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ambidreamz
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Name: ambidreamz
Location: Los Angeles, California, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: Music, singing, salsa and hip hop dance, eating massively, sleeping, playing computer games like a true nerd, thinking and contemplating about life.
Expertise: Living life to the fullest.
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
2/17/2003
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| Wowza can't believe I keep neglecting the xanga! It's like life is crazy but really it isn't THAT crazy, it just feels that way because I feel like there are so many things I need to do that I don't know how to find the time for. Jeez!
But really I should blog here because it's a rare avenue to express thoughts and honestly I miss that. I was thinking of starting a blog on my (acting) website but I feel like it would just be a general acting blog and not as personal or rather faith-based or faith-expounding as this one.
Anyways, happy new year to all! :)
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| "We need to realize that the responsibility of our life and death is in the hands of Jesus. We do not need to carry our own burdens as an attempt to help Jesus. The Good Shepherd knows that it is His responsibility to take care of the sheep, just as the mechanic knows that the car can't fix itself. We are protected eternally with Jesus for He alone is the Author and Perfecter of our faith. He began a good work in us and He will be faithful to complete it. The responsibility is on Him. There is peace with Jesus as our Shepherd, our Savior. Our responsibility is to hear His voice and follow Him." - excerpt from Daily Disciples Devotional
As a somewhat of a Type-A control freak, I am not in my comfort zone. And that fact may affirm that I'm indeed where God wants me to be. I guess in life I don't feel inclined to be complacent. I don't know if God created me to simply be complacent. In some small way, I hope to make some impact - perhaps why I chose the hardest career out there. Who knows how long I will be in this season.. I kind of feel like it's going to be a long-endured run. That's kind of what a calling is all about. But truly I'm trying my hardest to know that He's got it all under control, that the message above is an extremely important reminder that I don't need to carry all these burdens, that He's going to take care of me. It's an assurance that I'm forever grateful for and maybe something that I often take for granted because I don't fully understand someone else taking on the responsibility for my life.. other than myself. To be honest, I haven't felt super "taken car" when it comes to the trials of life. Certainly, I'm grateful for my parents for all they've provided and the important lessons growing up. But I left the nest when I was 17. There's been a lot of heartache as well as triumphs in life, some sweet savored moments that I'll never forget. Overall, I can say I've truly been blessed to have grown, and learn what I know now. But this life is not my own, it was bought at a price. I'm going to try my best to honor that this week. Thank You.
I have the chorus stuck in my head today as I was leading it today in worship..
"Our God is an awesome God, He reigns, from Heaven above, with Wisdom, Power and Love, Our God is an Awesome God."
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| I've recently had a misunderstanding with my mom, where we were talking about that whole idea of "using" people. She was pretty much saying that through my year on the Miss LA Chinatown court and what not, I would have met many important people who could be of help to me in the future. In the way that she said it, it sounded like she expected me to use these people to further my goals and interests. Now I hate that word, "use" in conjunction with people. I know I'm a direct, not too many frills type person and the concept of simply USING people is completely, very much against how I am. I was telling my mom that there was no way that I was going to use people in the way she was suggesting, and she got mad because that's not what she met, of course it wasn't just about using them, and she clarified her point. She got mad that I questioned her phrasing and usage, and I got mad because well, why can't I question something I may not be understanding? I believe in building strong relationships, especially over time. Some people you may never encounter again - they meet you at a dinner, and that's that. But others, you see them time and again and you chat, and you really develop a rapport. Also, there is nothing like hard work that always wins people over to your side, so that you don't need to prove yourself to anyone. If there came a time where I needed a recommendation or someone that I had questions for regarding something, I would hope that this person would already think highly enough of me to not even think twice. I would not simply meet for the sake of using.. it's something that seems very wrong to me. I was pretty mad that my mom would even insinuate such a thing and I guess that was not what she meant. But I do know that it is at least part of what she meant, which makes me so disappointed. I guess I'm just not like her in that way.. I may be more like my dad, who is a little bit more rogue. He's not going to rely on introductions all the time, but he certainly makes use of the connections he has which are solid and forged over years. It's quality over quantity. He seems a person that wouldn't have a billion of these connections but the ones he has.. they matter. Also, he's not someone who's always asking for favors. Honestly, I don't ask much for favors either, but when I do, I really ask earnestly, and it's usually to people that I feel would respond because we've had some type of positive working or personal relationship and I'd hope they care! I think I'm just afraid to be disappointed because quite many people have disappointed, and I feel I've done better and been more successful working hard on my own (and with God's favor and blessing). But in certain instances, people have helped me and I am truly, truly grateful. I don't forget it. People know when I think they're awesome! That's what I care about, honestly. That's how I roll. I don't want to meet people for the sake of using them, I hope to build a long-standing professional relationship that may turn out to be mutually beneficial for both of us! It's at that point when people just think of you naturally that you know you've succeeded, instead of groveling or begging those who may not really have the means to help you anyways. After years in business, I think I do understand this concept. And after almost two years in entertainment as well, I understand it even more. I think networking is very important, but the people you meet don't become part of your "circle" until you've interacted on some basis or project at least a couple times. That relationship is built. Hard work and dependability, quality says volumes more than charm and favors ever will, especially when people just don't trust you yet. And I don't blame them! I'm also not a person that immediately loves everyone I meet, so it seems that I'm fairly selective with those individuals that I want to build those relationships with.. after all you just can't keep up with every single person! But some in the community may certainly take to you quicker than others, sometimes there's just that natural connection and affinity. With some there is, with some there isn't. I'm so tired of people forcing these things. Like certain aspects of a romantic relationship, a professional relationship takes time and work, and you either get along or you don't. Build and foster those relationships that you've coined, with people who you've spent that valuable time with. Trust is earned, not easily given. And I hope we try our best to be sincere, genuine people. AMEN.
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| All I know is on that very special day of engagement, I would make sure that practically EVERYONE that I cared about, and I really mean EVERYONE.. will be happy for me and my to-be-husband. After seeing a few examples where not exactly everyone is thrilled, it just makes me sad. I don't understand why people often do choose to be with the people that many of their friends and family simply just dislike. But what's more sad is when people dislike them secretly because they're too afraid to tell you to your face. Because they're too afraid of how you react to criticism about your relationship. That's what's particularly sad. All I hope for is that on that special day, the person I am with will receive the stamp of approval from the close people in my life, a genuine stamp of approval and not because they're afraid to tell me the truth or hurt my feelings. This is marriage we're talking about. It's a covenant that to me is sacred and should not be lightly forged... or broken. I don't know about you, but marriage is for life. And sometimes the people closest to you see things that you don't. And sometimes people simply don't understand what "out of love" really means.
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| Ok, that's it. I've got to rant about this. I've now had TWO friends try to scam me into joining their MLM. I mean, seriously?? Do you think I'm stupid?? I don't believe in MLM's and I certainly don't believe in pyramid schemes in which only the top 5% make the bulk of the money and new associates have a 81.5% dropout rate. I mean, seriously? Our friendship means that "much" to you? Seriously, seriously sad. And it's not because I know I couldn't do it. I definitely know how to sell, but I really need to believe in the products and I really need to believe in the business. With something like this, I know my heart just wouldn't be in the right place. I know or at least I do believe that I have a reputation of sincerity, integrity, and straight-up honesty that I want to uphold and I just could not bring myself to "recruit" my friends and family to join in a venture in which I know they may lose a lot of their hard-earned money. It's really, really sad how many thousands of people get duped into joining these things each year. I'm sorry, but my honor, integrity, and money isn't thrown away so easily. And yours shouldn't either! OK, end of rant!
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